So What if I’m not a Celebrity Single Mom by:Alexandra Vanegas

 

I was really feeling this article and of course I wanted to share this! If you like this story can you always read more stories and great articles on http://www.weparent.com/

 

I have to admit, I’m a bit obsessed with celebrity gossip. I browse through gossip magazines while I’m waiting in line at the grocery store, and I follow some gossip sites online. One of the things I’ve noticed is the trend of glamorizing celebrity single moms. I find this mind blowing, because regular single moms like myself don’t get the same treatment day to day.

From Sandra Bullock to Kate Gosselin to Halle Berry, there is tremendous support from society backing these celebrity single moms as they make their way through single mommyhood. They are splattered on the covers of InTouch and UsWeekly, sharing their heartaches, their struggles with trying to live a normal life. We see them on Oprah talking about their journey, and we get sucked in. We buy their magazines, we go see their movies, we subscribe into the glamorization. Why can’t this same support be had for non-celebrity single moms? Are we not good enough?

I’m a single mom, a younger-single-minority mom to be exact. Society sends the message that young-single-minority moms won’t be successful. They won’t attend college. They won’t secure a steady job. They won’t make enough money, so they will have to depend on the system. They are immature, irresponsible, and should have waited to have a child. These messages are constantly relayed through movies, magazines, books, and TV.

You always hear about the plight of a single mom, the hardships she’s been through as she struggles to find stability. I’m not ignoring this fact, but where are the stories that speak of single moms graduating college or buying their first home? Where are the stories highlighting single moms starting their own businesses or volunteering within their communities? Does society not think that these stories will attract enough attention? Are these stories just not interesting enough?

I’m not ashamed that I’m a single mom, and don’t know why I get the sideways looks when I tell people I am. Maybe it’s because I don’t fit the mold of what a non-celebrity single mom looks like. I am enrolled in college, I have a car (old but running most of the time), I have a steady job, and my own apartment. I struggle with being a single mom, but I want no one’s pity or sympathy.

 I don’t need anyone in my ear telling me I’m doing a good job, but I would like to see my demographic positively acknowledged within society. The messages I come across don’t support me along my journey. In order to obtain resources I have to be a poor single mom. What’s up with that?

We support these celebrity single moms and tell them they can do it, no problem! Why is the message we send to non-celebrity moms so dissimilar? Why do we tell them they will fail? Why can’t the message be the same regardless of celebrity status?
All mothers-single, young, old, married, or widowed-should be respected and supported in our society. The amount of support we give Mothers should not be dependent on how much money they earn.

My life is by no means glamorous, nor does it need to be. What is most important is the love I have for my daughter. What I would appreciate is if society would respect and appreciate me as a Mother.

Alexandra is twenty four, and mother to 4 year old Solana. She created her blog, Mommy Glow to give voice to an unspoken demographic: younger, minority, and single parents.


Read more articles by Alexandra Vanegas at http://www.weparent.com/

End Of Days: Study Shows Little Girls Are Reaching Puberty As Early As 7-Years-Old

I have a 10 year old daugther and once I read this article it scared me so bad! For all my gossip heads I found this article on http://www.bossip.com/.

The changes in Kiera’s body scared her parents. Though the 8-year-old seemed her usual chipper self, she’d started to develop headaches and acne. More alarming to her mom, Sharon, were the budding breasts on Kiera’s thin little chest. “I thought, she’s too young,” remembers the Pittsburgh mom. “She’s still fearful about sleeping by herself. An 8-year-old just isn’t mature enough to handle this.” For Kiera, whose last name is being withheld to protect her privacy, it was all so embarrassing. None of her friends seemed to be experiencing what she was.

When they asked about the acne and her expanding chest, Kiera was evasive. “I didn’t want to tell them what was going on,” says the Pittsburgh girl, now age 9. “So I had to kind of lie to them.” When Kiera’s parents took their daughter to the doctor, he assured them that nothing was wrong with the girl. Kiera was simply starting puberty early. As it turns out, puberty at age 7 or 8 isn’t so unusual these days. A new study, published Monday in the journal Pediatrics, shows that more American girls are maturing earlier and earlier. Typically, U.S. girls hit puberty around age 10 or 11.

Exactly what this shift means for girls isn’t clear yet — either on a group or individual level. But there are budding concerns. For instance, studies have linked an early start to menstruation with an elevated risk of breast cancer. And other research has shown that girls who go through puberty early tend to have lower self-esteem and a poor body image. They are also more likely to engage in risky behaviors which can result in unplanned pregnancies, experts say.

The study revealed a surprisingly large bump in the number of girls going through puberty between the ages of 7 and 8. For example, the researches found that 10 percent of 7-year-old white girls had some breast development as compared to 5 percent in a study published in 1997. Similarly, 23 percent of the 7-year-old black girls had started puberty as compared to 15 percent in the 1997 study.

Nobody’s sure what is driving the declining age of puberty. But the rise in obesity could be at least partly to blame, says the study’s lead author, Dr. Frank Biro, director of adolescent medicine at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. Back in the 1700s, girls didn’t start to menstruate till they were 17 or 18, Garibaldi says. That had a lot to do with malnutrition. The assumption is that the steady decline in age since then has to do with more abundant food.

There may be other environmental factors at work, too, says Dr. Stanley Korenman, an endocrinologist at the University of California, Los Angeles. For example, Korenman says, environmental exposure to estrogens in plastics, chemicals and foods has been going up. “And estrogens do stimulate breast development,” he adds.
Until we know what the cause is, the best way to slow puberty may be to “start living green,” says Biro. “It may help for families eat together and to consume well-balanced diets.

Regular physical activity may help, too.” Another finding from the study may back that concept up. The rate of early puberty was much lower in the San Francisco group: 7 percent among white 7-year-olds from northern California versus 14 percent among Ohioans of the same age. Among black 7-year olds, 27 percent of Californians hit puberty early as compared to 31 percent of the New Yorkers.

Do you know yourself worth? by: Miss Tee

We all have stories and sometimes your stories can help someone else learn from your similar life experiences. If you have ever gone through issues in your life and you haven’t learned from them then that maybe a problem. I know because that was my problem. 


Do you remember when you finally realized that your child’s father or mother wasn’t the one you wanted in your life? Do you remember the physical fights, the screaming matches and all the foolishness that came with that relationship? Do you remember when you finally got the courage to move forward for your own sanity, and your children’s? I’m sure your family members and friends tried to tell you over and over again to leave him or her? Of course, for some men and women getting out of such a toxic relationship isn’t that easy. At this time in your life you may still be in that relationship and you’re trying to figure out just how to do it? I can only tell you how I did it. I believed in myself and I knew it was time! There isn’t one person who can tell you when, where or how to get out, that’s all up to you! 

It has been almost 3 years since I’ve been out of that toxic relationship and I haven’t looked back since! I had to struggle with my sanity, my kids and finances! My head started getting so much clearer and I could finally see past many of these dark days I had to deal with in the past. My kids seem so much happier and they also saw me happy! Sometimes I would look back on that relationship and I started wondering, why did I let that go on for so long? Why didn’t he love me the way I needed to be loved? Why did he allow me to be the bread winner for our family? Why did I allow him to always put me down and make me feel stupid etc…. Those “why’s questions” are no joke but you have to STOP thinking about “why”! You have to see your past just like it was “YOUR PAST” you must use this as a learning tool.


The most important thing you must do is “keep moving“, but before you can keep moving you have to breathe! Today and every day after that should be about you and your needs! The problem that most people have after a bad break up is we tend to jump right back into another bad relationship. We don’t give ourselves time to get our minds right, and to know “who we are as a person” and what is your self worth? 

Once I felt I had moved on and got my mind, kids and my finances in order, I found myself really looking for someone. It became some type of a mission for me! I wanted a man that was so totally different from my Ex. I became so focus on just that! I would make a list of what type of man I wanted. This was my first mistake! Due to me not experiencing what a real relationship was like; I would tend to hold on to what I didn’t receive in that last relationship, and made high expectations for the next one.

My approach to the next relationship was so different but my expectation was still high! I started becoming very picky. I knew specifically what type of man I wanted. This was my second mistake! Looking back on it now, when did I take the time for myself? I did not. I just moved on wanting something so different then what I felt I never had! Being lonely can be a bitch at times and for a person like myself “I hated it”!  I always felt alone even while being in that relationship, so sad but so true! Being alone can sometimes scare you. You’re then force to have to take a look inside of yourself and see who you really are! This is real talk right now, and I understand that you might not be ready to go there but for me had no choice!

Here I was making all of these high expectations for any man I met and I didn’t have myself together, and I was expecting so much from the next man! It’s not bad to have high expectations but understand two things about having high expectations ; you should clean your home out first before you can even expect to set any expectations for somebody else, and they should obtainable expectations on both parts! No man, no money and no new job etc… can bring you happiness if you’re not happy within yourself!

As a single parent my kids watched me go through all of these life changes.  Being a parent of a boy and a girl can be a challenge with in itself! To me it is extremely important that my son knows how important it is to be a good man and know his self worth. It’s equally important that my daughter, who watches’ me like a Hawk, also learns that having someone in her life is an added bonus. I know that many of you will agree with me that these days and times our kids are being raised far different than when we were growing up? I’d rather be the one to teach my children about life than allow the world to!  

I’m not ashamed to be honest in whom I am as a woman and to share my struggles and fears. As I wrote in the beginning, your past must be your learning tool! I’ve finally come to a point in my life where everything seems so much clearer and I’m now more focus then ever! I am a role model to my children and how I live my life now set the tone on how my kids will be as teenager and adults. Of course they will make their own way in life and many mistakes, but the most important thing I want my kids to understand is who they are and what is their self worth. Their mother has finally found her own self-worth!

Fatherhood Freestyle: The Weekenders

Matt Prestbury, co-founder of the Black Fathers group on Facebook and founder of the blog Focused on Fatherhood, uses poetry to express a father’s frustration…and commitment.

 

how you gonna let a man that don’t know me from Adam
tell me when I can see my children

 

then you tell me that I can’t come to your building
and knock on the door for you to let them in 

matter fact you tell me meet you at the gas station
be there at 6:30 and don’t have you waiting
if I take too long you’ll be getting impatient

and be downtown the next day telling them I’m violating
think about what you’re doing to them

when you open your door for a parade of men
one is barely out of your life before the next one comes in

and you got the nerve to tell my babies that I’m triflin
telling them that I don’t know how to treat women

and they shouldn’t be around me because I’ll corrupt them
It’s really time for the healing to begin

and cut all the hateful talk based on the pain that you’ve been feeling
if you choose to keep on acting this way

there gonna wake up and resent you one day
and understand that their father NEVER walked away

but was forced out despite his attempts to stay
and forced to respect a strangers orders

someone I never met telling me when I can see my daughters
and money doesn’t raise them It can only help support the
things that they need but I’m determined to be more than just a donor
so I send the payment as I must

and shake my head in disgust
and resent the fact that you didn’t trust
that we could work this out between us

reports cards came out and I was truly amazed
when the girls called and said that they got all A’s
and I really wanted to take them to out to Friday’s

but I couldn’t because it wasn’t one of my days
I told them, “When the weekend comes, I’ll take you to your favorite spot
I’m very proud of you two and I love you a lot

don’t ever let anyone tell you that I am not
doing the best I can with what I’ve got
although we can only spend time together on certain days

I am you father and I’m here for you always
keep striving for excellence in all ways
and I’ll keep on coming to your games, and recitals, and plays

so I’ll just keep sitting here waiting
to give the third degree to the guys that you’re dating
and keep on mailing a check although it’s frustrating

and keep on dreading Sunday evenings because it’s heart breaking”
’til we meet again

How to End a Bad Friendship: by Cadence

Sometimes it is necessary to end a bad friendship. While many of us would like to keep the peace in friendships and maintain them to the best of our abilities, it is best to end a bad friendship when necessary. If a friendship is causing you pain and creates a lot of unnecessary stress in your life, it may be in your best interest to walk away before any further harm is done.


Step 1
Identify a bad friendship. A bad friendship is not a relationship where you and a friend have an occasional argument, but are close most of the time. A bad friendship is one where your friend intentionally tries to hurt you or does unforgivable things to you. For example, a person who sleeps with your ex-boyfriend and then brags about it to your friends at your own home without telling you is a toxic friend, and you should break away from that friendship immediately.


Step 2
Create a plan of action for slowly removing yourself from the situation with a bad friend. Call the friend less. Share less personal details when you talk to the person. Be kind, but do not put yourself into a situation where the person can hurt you. Create distance from the person, but not hostility.


Step 3
If you trust them 100%, let a few close, mutual friends know that you are planning to limit your friendship with your toxic friend. This way, they will know not to invite you out if they are hanging out with this person. It may be tough at first to have a more limited social life, but this is a great opportunity to reconnect with other friends, and break away from hanging out with the person involved in the bad friendship.


Step 4
Maintain relationships with the friends that you and your bad friend shared. Just because you are not friends with one person does not mean that you have to break away from your other friends.


Step 5
Don't be quick to end the relationship in online formats. For example, deleting your bad friend from your Facebook and Myspace profiles right away looks obvious and petty. If you can handle it, leave your former friend on those pages as a friend to avoid petty drama. You can always delete the person later when you haven't spoken in a few months and it will be less hurtful for this person. (Remember, just because they hurt you does not mean that you should hurt them in return.)


Step 6
Although it's tough, try not to worry about retaliation when the person realizes that you are ending the bad friendship. This person may be upset and talk about you, but your real friends will understand the situation and will not judge you based on what this person says. And, any information that they have to talk about you will be old and outdated, so it won't matter much anyway.


Step 7
If you see this person in social situations, be kind. Ending a bad friendship does not mean that the other person has to become an enemy. You can simply be acquaintances. That is why it is important not to alienate this person. Smile kindly and make small talk, then walk away and talk to someone else.


Step 8 
If the person really does change in the future and becomes less toxic towards you, leave yourself open to reopening the friendship, if you want to. However, if you are going to do this, do not forget the past. Keep your guard up until you are absolutely sure that this person can be trusted.

Why is your life kept in a box?

It's very rare when you meet someone that is really living their dreams and I did just that! 

Diane is not only living her dream, but she is also helping people to understand how important it is to save all your life pictures into memory albums!

Diane Roney CEO of Transcribe-IT, INC.

Miss Tee: Hello Diane and thank you for sharing with The Essence of One readers your story! Tell us a little about yourself?

Diane: My name is Diane Roney.  I was born in Cambridge, MA. I am the oldest of four girls.  I am the wife of Phillip Roney and we have a daughter Kendall.  I have an Associate’s Degree in Executive Secretarial Science and a Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism / Mass Communications.  I spent one year in law school and knew that wasn’t for me.

I am the President / CEO of Transcribe-It, Inc. a transcription service that specializes in legal transcription.  We do, however, handle all forms of audio transcription.  I spent a few years in television as a Publicist for CBS in Boston, worked for several major law firms and then started my own virtual assistance practice before changing the practice strictly to Transcription.  Presently, as well, I am a Creative Memories Consultant and photo organizer.

Miss Tee: How did you get started with scrapbooking?

Diane: I actually began scrapbooking as a child but never really knew that’s what I was doing until a few years ago when I was invited to host a scrapbooking party.  As first I thought this was too much and how in the world would I ever find time to do this.  But after attending a few parties and a friend of mine encouraged me to become a consultant.  I did for about two years and then I deactivated because I felt no one was really listening or interested in scrapbooking.  But a few years ago I came back because I feel the passion for telling the story.  I am so grateful that I did.

I enjoy creating memory albums for my family because I’m telling my / our family story to the next generation.  My family, especially dad was always taking photos and out of the four girls I’m the only one who is the paparazzi.  My family laughs at me because I always have that camera going.

Miss Tee: Now that you have started your own scrapbooking business Creative Memories, can you tell us how you started this business? Could you also tell us what Creative Memories. consist of?

Diane: I am a Creative Memories Consultant which is a company that is the leader in the scrapbooking industry.  As  a consultant I host get togethers, crops, events, retreats.  I teach people how to organize their photos and create memory albums for their families.  I began with Creative Memories by ordering the kit and went from there contacting all my friends and family members to host parties for me.  At present, I teach photo organization at local libraries, sponsoring a scrapbooking cruise, developing new contacts to teach people to tell their story.

Why don't you Celebrate your family's life with a "Life Board"?

Miss Tee: Now you have scrapbooking classes can you tell us a little about your classes what they also consist of?

Diane: Classes consist of photo organizing actually sitting down for about three hours and getting all your photographs organized.  Then we move on to showing you how to create memory albums.  The latest is now digitally scrapbooking and I’m digitally endorsed as a digital scrapbook instructor.  I still have people who are traditional scrapbookers, but with the advent of computers, we now generate Storybooks using our latest Memory Manager and StoryBook software.  I can host events at my workshop or at other peoples home or one on one consultations.

Miss Tee: I’m sure your family and friends thought you were crazy for starting a scrapbooking business. Can you tell us how you moved forward in following your dreams, and when you may have been faced with some negative people, how did you handle it?

Diane: Well I never got any negative feedback from my family.  It actually came from people who I would introduce scrapbooking to and I would hear all kinds of negative responses like “I don’t have the time for that”, “how can you sit there all day and do that”,  “That’s a white woman’s hobby” I mean craziness.  Since when is taking photos and capturing memories a color thing.  I used to get so angry, but it’s not about me…it’s about people.  And those who are ready will be ready and those who aren’t well they just aren’t.  I move from the negative and focus on those who really want to preserve their legacy.  When my daughter’s friends come over to my workshop and see me working and they see the books I have for my daughter so she can remember her grade school through high school years and all her performances and activities, the response I get is I wish my mother would do that for me.

It hurts me because the kids are crying out for their own books.  That’s why I’m going to be putting together a teen crop and teaching teens how to create their own Storybooks because they are very computer literate  and would be good at it.  I’m also focusing on Faithbooking which is a scrapbook of what God has done in your life.  So I’ll be connecting with churches to see if the women or men of the church would like to focus on the good God has done for them.  I’ve also just started creating Celebration Life boards for funeral homes.  I have been to many a funeral where people just throw up a board of photos, I have created a Celebration Life Board that is unlike anything you’ve seen and people really like them.

You can always learn more about a Life Boards at www.mycmsite.com/dianeroney1

Miss Tee: Diane, could you please tell The Essence of One readers that have hobbies or something they may be very good in doing, and may be interested in turning this into a business; what would be their next step in moving forward to make this happen?

Diane: Be passionate about what  you are doing and just do it.  Be open to sharing and not worry about whether it makes money for you because there’s a book I read “Do what you love and the money will follow” and it’s so true.  Take the emphasis off the money and focus on your clients.  It’s not about you.  Attend trade shows, church events do anything  you can to get your business out in front of people.  But just remember you have to love what you’re doing or no one else is going to like it either.

Miss Tee: How can the The Essence of One readers that may be interested in your scrapbooking classes or other services your company provides get in contact with you? 

Diane: They can visit my website at www.mycmsite.com/dianeroney1 or www.personal-photo-organizer.com/dianeroney  or call me at (404) 353-1638.  I’m always looking for people to host events with several of their friends or one-on-one consultations and join me at some of my workshops.  I have a workshop schedule if anyone is interested, I’ll be at the South Fulton Library in September for a photo organization class and sponsoring a digital scrapbooking cruise in March.

Diane, thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me and sharing with The Essence of One family, how you made one of your dreams come true!

On July 28, 2010 my life had changed once again!

Shopping and Networking

I was sitting at work and Diane, my co-worker came up to me and said "I’m going to this financial seminar that is free, would you like to go"? The first thought that came to my mind was, how did she know I was just sitting there worrying about my own finances?  I looked at her like she was crazy! Diane just looked at me and said, "It looks like your thinking about coming with me". I knew this was a sign that it was now time for me to face one of my biggest fears which is facing my finances! I know we all have money issues but how many of us really face our financial fears head on?

I wanted to back out and say "NO I don’t want to go“! I couldn’t do it because I knew this was a sign that I needed to go! Something inside kept telling me this was all happening for a reason! So, I went reluctantly. The upside of going to this event is it was being held in a boutique! I got a little excited the whole time I was there I kept thinking  “Damn I wanted that summer dress the host of the event had on“, and the host said the dress only cost $57! Damn, I wanted that dress! I was getting so mad because I didn’t have 10 dollars in my pocket, this is “REAL TALK” right now!

The seminar was being held at House of Adrene in the Castleberry Hill fashion district in Atlanta. The boutique was filled with all the latest up to date fashions and the newest trends out there! At this event there was about 40 women and men in attendance. Of course everybody was fashionable dressed!

The House of Adrene owner Adrene

The star of the show had not arrived which gave Diane and me time to begin networking. There were also wine and juices being served and of course that help me with getting more talkative. I was meeting so many interesting people, and it seem liked they were all very interested in hearing about my blog. The only sad part was I didn’t have any business cards. I wasn’t going to let that stop me! Many of the women there seemed very interested in wanting to no more about my blog. Some of the ladies wanted me to write down the blog site on their own business cards! 


Before the “STAR” had arrived the host of the event ,still wearing my $57.00 dress, she introduces the owner of the boutique Adrene. After the host introduce Adrene; Adrene gave us a brief background of her life and what lend her to fashion world. Adrene is a fashion stylist for Kelly Rowland, Taraji P. Henson, Vivica Fox and countless others. It was really good to see this beautiful, down to earth black woman living her dreams! I started to feel empowered and knew everybody around Diane and I was also feeling the same way!

The event was suppose to start at 6:30 but you “N Time” and the event started at 7:15pm. When the star finally arrived she was a small petite lady, I thought to myself what is this little lady going to say? That’s when I found out that BIG gifts can sometimes come in small packages! The host that was wearing my $57.00 summer dress introduce  Mrs. Lynn Richardson, and from the second Mrs. Richardson opened her mouth, the way I look at my money and its use was changed forever!

Mrs. Lynn Richardson talking to the ladies!

Its funny how one person can transform your life and you don’t even know them! I felt that I learned so much from that one night, that I haven’t learned thus far! I’m only going to write about a few things that I feel will really caught my attention. The topics that were of supreme interest to me were:

NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE!
10/10/30/50 (Will Change your life forever)!
You cannot abuse money because it will always leave you!
We spend money and the rich people get it back!
Your children can be your income!    
Stop worrying about what people think of you “Are they paying your bills’?
Mrs. Lynn Richardson has a book out now called Living Check to Monday! CHECK IT OUT at www.lynnrichardson.com

 






Change cannot happen unless you are ready for it to happen! If your not ready I can also understand that, but how long will you allow your self not to be?

I’M NOW READY!

Thank you so much Diane and I'm very excited about going to our next event!
 
To all my new readers welcome and thank you for all of your supporting e-mails! 

All of you're stories or maybe an article you recently read  are also welcome. 

The Essence of one Facebook page will be done soon!

Much Love Miss Tee


Thanks also to KL!