Meet the Poet & Writer behind the "Fatherhood" poem Interviewed by Miss Tee

Matthew Prestberry

A few weeks ago I posted a poem called "Fatherhood" and from that poem I received many comments and e-mails. The poem was so real and it tells a story of what many single fathers go through having to deal with their children mother? 

So who is this writer and what is his story? I became very curious and I reached out to Mr. Prestbury and ask for interview, and to my great surprise he accepted my offer for this interview. 


Mr. Prestbury would you please tell The Essence of One readers a little about yourself?

I'm a father of four and a husband. I'm an educator in the Baltimore City School System and a mentor to many. I co-host Black Fathers Radio along with Kevin James. I'm very passionate about all issues related to fatherhood, and about changing the realities which exist to a large extent with absentee fathers, as well as crushing the stereotypes and misconceptions which also exist.

I know, and know of, so many fathers who are sharing custody of their children. I see it on a regular basis in the school and the neighborhoods. I wanted to express how I thought it must feel to be a father who had to share custody, and share it with a bitter parent who takes their pain out on the father. Furthermore, I wanted to express to mothers in that type of situation, how they are causing pain and hardship to great fathers, who all too often suffer through no fault of their own.


I do remember you telling me that the Fatherhood poem was based on your brother story. How is your brothers relationship now with his children’s mother and with his kids?

Yes. When my niece was younger, my brother did deal with much of what the poem talked about, particularly dropping my niece off to her mother at a gas station. I really don't know if this has changed, or if their relationship has changed at all. I haven't really heard him speak of it in a long time. His relationship with his daughter has always been strong and continues to be that way. I'd like to think that it has strengthened as my niece has gotten older and become better able to recognize him more for who he is as a father.


As you can see from some of the comments I received and the many e-mails, your poem really hit a nerve. Does this surprise you at all?

No, that really doesn't surprise me at all. As I said, I know and know of many fathers in the same situation, and it really touches me to see what they go through. Thankfully I am not in that situation, so when I see it, and I imagine what it must be like, I cringe at the thought of not waking my children up every morning and not putting them to bed every night. And then, if you add onto that a spiteful, vengeful person possibly, who poisons the children's minds against you in spite of all of the good that you do, it has to hurt deeply. People in those situations are in pain and I think that comes through in the piece. What also comes through is the love, the unconditional love that they have for their children, that they won't relinquish no matter what obstacles they face.

It’s unfortunate that many of our black single fathers are having such issues in attempting to be good fathers to their kids. Whatever the issues they may be having with their children’s mother, I do believe that there are two sides to every story. However, the sad part is the only people getting hurt in all of this mess are the children!

Without a doubt. All to often, I have heard from and about fathers who want desperately to be a part of their children's lives, but are kept away by the mothers. It's very unfortunate that parents don't realize just how much they are hurting the children in all of this. It really needs to stop. And as I said, children, at some point, become able to recognize people for who they truly are in spite of any falsehoods that people may cast upon them.

What are some of the things you think a single father can try to do to prevent having issues when trying to see their kids, and having to deal with the kid’s mother?

The first thing to remember is to put you feelings aside and focus on the child. Don't let anything get you out of your character and allow your child to see you lower yourself. I think that it's very important to document everything--the things that you buy, the places you take them, any negative interactions with the mother or between yourself and the mother. I think it's also a good idea to connect with a service which specializes in assisting fathers in custody situations. One that I have come to follow on twitter is Fred Campos (@FullCustodyDad). He operates Daddy Got Custody (http://www.daddygotcustody.com/) and constantly give tips to dads via twitter. Also connect with any other fathers going through the same ordeal.

Some of my readers may be interested to know that you also have a radio talk show titled Black Fathers. Would you please tell us a little more about that?

Certainly. Kevin James and I started Black Fathers Radio back in March of this year on Blog Talk Radio. Our show currently airs every Sunday evening at 6pm. We talk about any and all aspects of fatherhood, often times taking suggestions from members of our facebook group Black Fathers. We started off with a meet and greet show for fathers to introduce themselves to us and each other. We have since talked about fathers who are also mentors in the community, married fathers, divorced and separated fathers still staying in their children's lives, fathers who are also entrepreneurs, fathers who head fatherhood organizations, musicians and spoken word artists and more.

 Our mission is to give fathers the opportunity to have their voices heard, to get tips and advice, to be resources to each other, and to show the world that active, involved Black fathers exist. We are out here. People wishing to tune in can either log on to www.blogtalkradio.com/blackfathersradio or dial 646-727-1205. We are constantly looking for guests and show topics, and always encourage listeners to call in and join in on the conversation.


How can The Essence of One readers that may have any further questions for you, reach you? Also where can we find more of your poems and writings?

Readers can log on to http://www.blackfathersonline/, check out our site, and leave questions or comments there. They can also reach us at blackfathersradio@gmail.com and on the group Black Fathers on facebook. As for reading more of my work, people can go to http://www.may2nd.wordpress.com/


Thank you once again for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk with me. I wrote this blog because I feel that there are many men and women out there looking for advice or just to see that they are not alone in respect to finding better ways to parent their children. Thank you so much because you helped me proved my point!

Thank you for the opportunity.