Being a single mom and rising a biracial child.

I found this article to be very interesting! We all know there are many men and women who are raising biracial children, this is for all the single parents who maybe rising a biracial child!    

Elaine is a woman who had been involved with a man who left her a couple of months after learning she was pregnant with his child. She is white, and because he is black, she wants to know how to bring cultural richness to her daughter's life. But she also faced another dilemma: Her mother refuses to have anything to do with her or the baby, who will be biracial.

Aside from seeking out local churches, schools, community centers, and a local African American Resource Center, she still seeks advice on enriching her child’s life and how to deal with her mother’s attitude.

Here are some suggestions from single parents in similar circumstances.Vicki C. Daughtry of San Diego, a single mom raising her 16-year-old biracial daughter says: “My first thought was that even if your baby’s father is  out of the picture, his family doesn’t have to be. Can you establish relationships with any members of his family? It will be helpful to your child to know her grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc., on both sides. It’s likely, too, that they will want your daughter to be part of their lives. These relationships will help to teach your daughter about her heritage, and will provide you with some emotional support.” She adds, “You may need to make it clear to them that this isn’t an effort to get your ex-boyfriend back, or to make him pay child support. Deal with him directly on the latter issue.”

 Educate yourself 

Heather Pickard of Peabody, Mass., agrees that it’s important for your child to know her heritage.  The mother of a 3-year-old son, Heather found it important to first educate herself.

“I did this by reading books and subscribing to some largely black magazines such as Essence. Since I am a full-time student, I have taken some classes on race, and courses specifically on African-American psychology and literature. This helped open my eyes to the subtle (and not-so-subtle) racism in this country, and it will help me to prepare my son for it.  I also recommend you read  40 Ways To Raise a Nonracist Child,’ by Barbara Mathias and Mary Ann French.”

Vicki too has exposed herself and her daughter to African American
Literature, theater, film and more. “It’s important for you and for her to see a broad spectrum of culture and talent.”

 

Start mingling

“Don’t stop there, however, this won’t work if all of your contact with the black community is through a screen or a book. If you don’t have them already, get out and make friends with people of color who will be positive role models for her,” urges Vicki.

When you begin dating again, don’t assume that an African American boyfriend fills this particular bill.  You need a supportive community of friends of (many races.)

Heather, Vicki and other parents offer similar advice when it comes to
dealing with the new mother’s mom, who won’t give herself to the grandmother role.

Heather has been fortunate to have an accepting family. 

“Both my parents supported my decision to give birth to a biracial child outside of marriage.”

Vicki adds: “By now you may have given birth to your baby.  Your mother’s attitude may have improved when she saw the baby in your arms instead of seeing the idea of biracialism in an abstract sense.  Even if your mother still wants nothing to do with the baby, give the situation time.  Your mother’s love for you may overcome her prejudice.”

But if this doesn’t happen, you can explain to your child that your
mother’s ideas about race differ from yours.

Susan, another mom raising a biracial child who is estranged from her grandmother told her daughter, “Even though my mother raised me, and I love her, she has different ideas about race than I do because of the way she was raised.”

The True DL Brother! By: Anonymous Writer

                                          

This story is one that many of us ladies really need to read!

   Tamara is single mother of three, and she was dating this man Sammy for two years. Sammy was everything most women want in a man – he was good looking, employed, a home owner, had a car and attended church regularly. In all of Tamara’s past relationships, she found herself either financially broke or mentally scarred. Sammy was a positive influence in Tamara’s life.  Anything she wanted, he made sure she had it!  Tamara’s dream was always to buy a home, and with Sammy’s help she built a sensible budget plan that was easy for her to stick to. In just a few months, she purchased her home!  She never felt so much love and respect for any man before in her entire life!

   Sammy was the type of guy who always dressed very well and kept up with his appearance at all times.  Wherever they went, women were always staring at him, which is what attracted Tamara to Sammy in the first place!  In the beginning of their relationship, Tamara and Sammy did everything together, and it was around this time that Tamara learned that her man loved manicures and pedicures. This took Tamara off guard since she had never met a man who was into doing that, however, she never questioned him about it because to her it all made sense.  This was just a part of what always made him look so good!  She just chalked it up to her man being a metro sexual male, and she could live with that. Tamara had everything she had always wanted: healthy children, a good job, a beautiful home, and a fine ass man that loved not only her, but her three children as well!  What more can a sista ask for?

She was the envy of all her girlfriends.  Every time she received flowers at work from Sammy, all her co-workers would be envious too.  Life couldn’t get any better.  Tamara knew she was blessed, and she wasn’t going to let anyone make her feel bad about all her blessings.  If people only knew some of the hell she has been through in the past, they would know it was time for her blessings to come, and they would be happy for her! Tamara also felt life was too short to worry about what other people thought about her!

    Around Christmas time Tamara received a call from one of her girlfriends, telling her that she had heard that Sammy was GAY! Tamara wasn’t trying to hear what her so-called girlfriend had to say.  Hell, her friend Stacy was always in everybody’s business, and this wasn’t the first time Tamara’s friends made comments about Sammy being bi or gay.  After Tamara’s brother met Sammy, he was the first to have  something to say about Sammy being too much like a BITCH for him! Tamara wasn’t even trying to hear her brother’s comments – after all he had seven kids he needed to worry about rather than being all up in her business! Driving up to her beautiful home and seeing Sammy with her kids, playing and laughing, a feeling of pure happiness came over her.  NO ONE WAS GOING TO TAKE HER JOY AWAY FROM HER!  

   Sammy had a friend in town named Perry, who used to be a male dancer, and now he owned his own male dancing company.  Perry was real cool.  He always brought the kids some toys when he came into town.  He would always take Sammy and Tamara out to dinner, but on this night he announced to them both that his player days were over and he was getting married!  Sammy and Tamara were so happy.  She was hoping this would also give Sammy thoughts of doing the same thing with her. The next day, however, Tamara could sense something wasn’t right with Sammy’s attitude toward the kids.  He was never ever short with the kids, but this day he just kept screaming and yelling at her kids. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what his problem was.

   Tamara went ahead to work, but all day long she kept thinking about Sammy and what his problem might be.  She knew that everything seemed to change when Perry announced he was getting married last week.  After that Sammy started getting annoyed with everything and everybody. Tamara wanted to call her close friend to tell her what was happening, but she had learned from past experiences that you don’t always need to run and tell your friends or family members your business.  Tamara started thinking about all of this so much that she could no longer concentrate on her job and actually had to leave work early.  When she got home, Tamara found herself going up to the bedroom to look through all of Sammy’s things.  Of course, she couldn’t find anything.  She decided that she would call him on his job. She called and spoke to the receptionist, who told Tamara, to her surprise, that Sammy was no longer employed with the company.  Tamara found out that Sammy had stopped working at the job for about a month.  Tamara now felt that it all made sense to her why Sammy was having an attitude all the time with her and the kids.  Tamara didn’t understand why Sammy couldn’t just tell her what was going on.  Deep down inside she was so happy not to have to worry about Sammy and his sexual preference.  She knew her man was just that - a man!  

   The next day, Sammy told Tamara that he had a job interview with a car dealership for a position as a salesman and would return around noon.  Tamara got the kids off to school, but didn’t tell Sammy that she had already scheduled for a day off from work.  She had a surprise for him.  Tamara thought she could go to the grocery store while Sammy was at his interview and pick up all his favorite foods.  She planned a wonderfully romantic lunch followed by a passionate afternoon of lovemaking.  As she drove to the grocery store, Tamara’s mind was totally on her wonderful new life, her future, and her love for her wonderful man.  While selecting her purchases, Tamara took a moment to give Sammy a call and say “I love you,” but the cell went directly to voice mail.  While it was a little unusual for Sammy’s phone to be turned off like this, Tamara figured that he wouldn’t want an interruption during his interview, so she didn’t really think much of it. 

   On the way home, Tamara thought about all the things she had to do to get ready.  In addition to showering, and getting her hair and face done, she also had to decide which of her “Vickie’s Secrets” lingerie sets she wanted to wear for her man.  She was getting very excited as she turned down her street and approached the house.  She was surprised to see Sammy’s car parked in the driveway and a gold Mercedes parked directly behind it.  Rather than pull into her own driveway, Tamara’s first thought was to pull ahead two houses up the street and park behind old Mr. Wyatt’s Lincoln Town Car.  Fighting all the conflicting thoughts that were now racing through her head, Tamara forced herself to think only of getting into the house and finding out who’s Mercedes was parked in her driveway. 

   Tamara slowly opened the front door and stepped into the foyer.  From upstairs she heard a strange man’s voice followed by that of her boyfriend, in an obvious state of extreme arousal.  Her mind racing, Tamara softly kicked off her shoes and quietly proceeded up the stairs, her thoughts kicking into overdrive, running on pure instinct.  As she approached the top of the staircase, she distinctly heard the strange male voice say, in a low, guttural voice, “That’s right, suck it, you little bitch!”  Her boyfriend’s answering moans were all Tamara needed to hear.  She ran to their bedroom door and yanked the door open.  She stared at the scene in front of her in utter disbelief.  There in front of her very eyes was Sammy, completely naked, on his knees in front of a tall, blue-black, bald headed Adonis.  The man’s enormous cock was rapidly sliding in and out of Sammy’s mouth, his left hand firmly gripping the back of Sammy’s head as his hips thrust savagely forward and back.  Quite obviously, neither was aware that Tamara had entered the room.  Sammy pulled his head back and cried out passionately, “Oh, God, Bernard, PLEASE stick it in my ass…fuck me in my ass, baby – PLEASE!”  As Tamara watched, mouth open in complete shock, Bernard grabbed Sammy around the waist and lifted him right off the floor.  Turning him toward the steel footboard of their iron bed, Bernard growled, “Grab on, Bitch!  I’m gonna fuck the shit outta your tight little ass.  You’re gonna cum so fucking hard!  Here it is for you, cock suck’n bitch!  You ready?”

   Tamara had seen enough!  Bending over, she vomited onto the carpet.  Sammy and Bernard simultaneously jerked their heads around in total surprise.  Wiping the back of her hand across her mouth, Tamara came at her boyfriend, both fists flying.  The utterly shocked Bernard backed instantly away, reaching down for his clothes, which were scattered around the bedroom floor.  Biting, screaming, and kicking, Tamara spit in Sammy’s face.  As he flinched away, Tamara balled her fist and hit him squarely in the mouth.  Grabbing both of Tamara’s wrists, Sammy swung Tamara around and threw her onto the bed.  “Look, baby,” Sammy stammered, “it’s not what you think!”  Tamara couldn’t believe he had the nerve to tell her that what she was seeing wasn’t what she thought it was!

   Tamara got up from the bed and looked at herself in her mirror.  Her hair was disheveled, her make-up was badly smeared, and spots of puke and saliva covered her blouse.  She stared into the face of a woman whose world had suddenly come completely unraveled.  The man she thought she loved, the man who she had allowed around her young children, the man who only hours before had had his penis inside her had turned out to be a raging faggot!  What possible diseases had she exposed herself to by being with this man?  How could she have been taken so completely off guard?  Standing in front of the mirror, Tamara had to grudgingly admit to herself that she had, in fact, been suspicious before.  Yes, she had been suspicious – and she had chosen to ignore her misgivings.  She was nearly as angry at herself as she was at Sammy!

   Tamara had been so lost in her own personal nightmare that she didn’t even realize that Sammy had been speaking to her.  Turning, she stared straight into his eyes.  He was a stranger to her.  Her desire to do something completely outrageous, like finding the nearest sharp object and cutting off his balls was suddenly replaced with an overwhelming desire to have him as far away from her as possible.  They were OVER!  They were SO OVER!  “Get out of my house,” she said evenly.  It seemed as if a sudden calm had settled over her.  She felt more in control.  “Just get your shit, and get the fuck outta here.”  Tamara knew there was no turning back from this, and that was fine.  It was about her now – her and her children, her health, and her happiness.  Nothing else mattered.  “You need to just let me explain…” Sammy began, but Tamara cut him off.  She was not interested.  Slowly, Tamara walked past Sammy and out of the bedroom.  Descending the staircase, she made her way through the living room to the foyer, opening the front door.  Turning back toward the stairs, Tamara called out, “You got two minutes to get your faggot ass out my house!”

For Tamara, the new day had begun.

Your true life stories are needed!

I am currently working on new stories and if you have any stories or great articles you would like to share please feel free to submit your stories to theessenceofone@gmail.com.