BEING SINGLE IN 2010.....! BY: Claudia Moss

I'm fifteen days into the New Year 2010, exactly four days after my birthday, and I find myself single...again.


But there is a tremendous difference between this year and those of the past, when I could have been a garment stuck on the clothesline of regret, flapping in the late-afternoon sun, bemoaning why in the world other women had mates and my flashy-sassy self was home, shaking the hell out of possibility, moaning and gripping and, in general, bellyaching over the myriad reasons why I should be in someone else's heels, instead of mine, and praying how to count myself amongst the blessed bevy of women with enviable mates---of course, with jobs, cars, savings accounts, 401K's, vacation resorts, time to enjoy them and sprawling homes.

Yet, somewhere between those prior years and this one, 2010, something CHANGED! And thank the Divine, not a moment too soon, as bellyaching 24/7 is exhausting. This woman was fed-up. So the hell what if I didn't have a date nor a mate. Was I not still blessed, still me? The pomp and pageantry, the broad smile (as a certain artist said), the deep words (quote from same artist) and glitter (ditto) were all still me, and if not a woman in Atlanta recognized that I was perfect exactly as I was, then so be it! Before I came into this knowing, I didn't recognize the beauty of where I was. Sometimes we get bogged down in the general consensus.


So this year, I find that I am absolutely beyond fine with being SINGLE. And I so much as shared this notion with a lovely lady, Duchess Tenn, on Facebook last night, albeit unasked, considering I saw the announcement of her relationship status floating sweetly down the reel of status up-dates, and I figured I could comment. Being single is a repository of blessings.

What do I mean? Well, being single has its place for preparing us for the beauty of our next relationship. Yes, while single, we can learn countless things about ourselves. It is a training ground of sorts. If I am open to being better acquainted with myself and my needs and desires, hopefully, I will be able to articulate these delights about myself to my mate, and not leave her guessing about what I like and don't like, what makes me livid and what renders me soft inside.


In a single state, I think we can come to love ourselves, to know ourselves well enough to discern what we prefer in a significant other, also. After any relationship, long or short, we require time to face certain idiosyncrasies about ourselves and about our last mate, so that we can hold them to the light of reflection and thoroughly examined what they have to offer us in the way of self improvement. Many times we are direly afraid of being single, as though it is a plague-ridden condition. Some of us dive head first into the next union with a teaspoon of consideration to what we just suffered in the last ill-suited hook-up, the wrinkles we might have ironed out still etched in the fabric of our souls until the next time we come to the fork in the road and must walk our separate ways.

I'm going to be more loving to myself. Single or in a relationship.
If the groundhog can eventually see his shadow at some point in the year, we ought to be able to recognize the benefits of the joys of self-improvements over time.


Therefore, I accept where I am now in my life. I accept the stellar possibilities in the beautiful women to whom I am attracted. I am learning to trust the Universe and the Present in the day. Being single and enjoying the bliss of dating, I afford myself the opportunity of sharing the joy of the moment with another soul. I am learning to honor my voice and say No when I mean No and Yes because I Want to go forward. I am accepting the flow, and not only accepting it, I am permitting Life to live me.

I have been walking this path for a while now, not just for a couple of days into this joyous New Year. Quite simply, I changed my mind about being single, and my being single changed. And HOW it has changed!
Now possibilities abound everywhere! I recognize them and am saying YES to opened doors
On the first day of the New Year, I savored a lunch date that found us sitting near the chilly glass of Bangkok Thai in Ansley Mall dining on laughter, photography, stories and delicious cuisine. Neither of us noticed the day change her garb from a sparkling pinafore to a flowing starry gown. Fifteen days in and I have accepted the invite to be the muse of two photographers and an artist/sculpture.

I'm writing more consistently and being invited to showcase my work in an eclectic assortment of publications. On my birthday, I received the most exquisite purple roses from a most exquisite poet. A sumptuous fruit basket arrived with a card signed: "From the CEO of the Siren Fan Club," and, in shadows, I've yet to discern who sent them. Moreover, unforgettable friendships are forged daily on cyber sites on which I share my art. I am being urged to set dates for luscious, weekend get-aways---one within the next month, the other within the year. A girl has got to stand in awe and expectation for what lies ahead!

I am discovering me. Am stepping out on stages and flinging wide my arms, Diana Ross style, to embrace my audiences, to love and be loved, to roll out my talents, known and unknown, and titillate in the jubilation of discovering other aspects of the woman that I am.


Most importantly, I love what is, love what the Now brings. I am grateful. For each moment. If more single days are spread before me like a path of rose petals, I accept them. If a trail of lilies dares me to love in a relationship that enthrals and charms me into disinterest in other sections of the garden, then I will bow to a relationship. I adore the testimony of one of my favorite bloggers, Alix B. Golden, who said in the past she ran towards what could be, unlike me, who sprinted not to see.
Thus, I do not fear the walking away. I do not fear not being enough. I do not fear fear. I will remember who I really am, for I AM LOVE!

You can read more of Ms. Claudia Moss writing at http://thegolden-goddess.blogspot.com/2010/01/on-being-single-in-2010.html. ENJOY!

THANK YOU FOR SHARING MS. CLAUDIA MOSS!

THE NEW ESSENCE OF ONE PAGE 2 COMING SOON, STAY TUNED!

I am currently working on new stories and I'm adding a new page to my blog. I'm very excited and I can't wait to share my second page with you all!

Until then, if you would like to share your story or great articles please feel free to submit your stories to theessenceofone@gmail.com.

Thank you for all your e-mails and please don't stop sending me your great ideas for my blog , KEEP THEM COMING!

Miss Tee

Meet the Poet & Writer behind the "Fatherhood" poem Interviewed by Miss Tee

Matthew Prestberry

A few weeks ago I posted a poem called "Fatherhood" and from that poem I received many comments and e-mails. The poem was so real and it tells a story of what many single fathers go through having to deal with their children mother? 

So who is this writer and what is his story? I became very curious and I reached out to Mr. Prestbury and ask for interview, and to my great surprise he accepted my offer for this interview. 


Mr. Prestbury would you please tell The Essence of One readers a little about yourself?

I'm a father of four and a husband. I'm an educator in the Baltimore City School System and a mentor to many. I co-host Black Fathers Radio along with Kevin James. I'm very passionate about all issues related to fatherhood, and about changing the realities which exist to a large extent with absentee fathers, as well as crushing the stereotypes and misconceptions which also exist.

I know, and know of, so many fathers who are sharing custody of their children. I see it on a regular basis in the school and the neighborhoods. I wanted to express how I thought it must feel to be a father who had to share custody, and share it with a bitter parent who takes their pain out on the father. Furthermore, I wanted to express to mothers in that type of situation, how they are causing pain and hardship to great fathers, who all too often suffer through no fault of their own.


I do remember you telling me that the Fatherhood poem was based on your brother story. How is your brothers relationship now with his children’s mother and with his kids?

Yes. When my niece was younger, my brother did deal with much of what the poem talked about, particularly dropping my niece off to her mother at a gas station. I really don't know if this has changed, or if their relationship has changed at all. I haven't really heard him speak of it in a long time. His relationship with his daughter has always been strong and continues to be that way. I'd like to think that it has strengthened as my niece has gotten older and become better able to recognize him more for who he is as a father.


As you can see from some of the comments I received and the many e-mails, your poem really hit a nerve. Does this surprise you at all?

No, that really doesn't surprise me at all. As I said, I know and know of many fathers in the same situation, and it really touches me to see what they go through. Thankfully I am not in that situation, so when I see it, and I imagine what it must be like, I cringe at the thought of not waking my children up every morning and not putting them to bed every night. And then, if you add onto that a spiteful, vengeful person possibly, who poisons the children's minds against you in spite of all of the good that you do, it has to hurt deeply. People in those situations are in pain and I think that comes through in the piece. What also comes through is the love, the unconditional love that they have for their children, that they won't relinquish no matter what obstacles they face.

It’s unfortunate that many of our black single fathers are having such issues in attempting to be good fathers to their kids. Whatever the issues they may be having with their children’s mother, I do believe that there are two sides to every story. However, the sad part is the only people getting hurt in all of this mess are the children!

Without a doubt. All to often, I have heard from and about fathers who want desperately to be a part of their children's lives, but are kept away by the mothers. It's very unfortunate that parents don't realize just how much they are hurting the children in all of this. It really needs to stop. And as I said, children, at some point, become able to recognize people for who they truly are in spite of any falsehoods that people may cast upon them.

What are some of the things you think a single father can try to do to prevent having issues when trying to see their kids, and having to deal with the kid’s mother?

The first thing to remember is to put you feelings aside and focus on the child. Don't let anything get you out of your character and allow your child to see you lower yourself. I think that it's very important to document everything--the things that you buy, the places you take them, any negative interactions with the mother or between yourself and the mother. I think it's also a good idea to connect with a service which specializes in assisting fathers in custody situations. One that I have come to follow on twitter is Fred Campos (@FullCustodyDad). He operates Daddy Got Custody (http://www.daddygotcustody.com/) and constantly give tips to dads via twitter. Also connect with any other fathers going through the same ordeal.

Some of my readers may be interested to know that you also have a radio talk show titled Black Fathers. Would you please tell us a little more about that?

Certainly. Kevin James and I started Black Fathers Radio back in March of this year on Blog Talk Radio. Our show currently airs every Sunday evening at 6pm. We talk about any and all aspects of fatherhood, often times taking suggestions from members of our facebook group Black Fathers. We started off with a meet and greet show for fathers to introduce themselves to us and each other. We have since talked about fathers who are also mentors in the community, married fathers, divorced and separated fathers still staying in their children's lives, fathers who are also entrepreneurs, fathers who head fatherhood organizations, musicians and spoken word artists and more.

 Our mission is to give fathers the opportunity to have their voices heard, to get tips and advice, to be resources to each other, and to show the world that active, involved Black fathers exist. We are out here. People wishing to tune in can either log on to www.blogtalkradio.com/blackfathersradio or dial 646-727-1205. We are constantly looking for guests and show topics, and always encourage listeners to call in and join in on the conversation.


How can The Essence of One readers that may have any further questions for you, reach you? Also where can we find more of your poems and writings?

Readers can log on to http://www.blackfathersonline/, check out our site, and leave questions or comments there. They can also reach us at blackfathersradio@gmail.com and on the group Black Fathers on facebook. As for reading more of my work, people can go to http://www.may2nd.wordpress.com/


Thank you once again for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk with me. I wrote this blog because I feel that there are many men and women out there looking for advice or just to see that they are not alone in respect to finding better ways to parent their children. Thank you so much because you helped me proved my point!

Thank you for the opportunity.

GENDERBLIND!

Since I've been out there networking I have met so many different people who are doing phenomenal things.  Haled as the next Spike Lee meet a talented and beautiful young lady who is living her dreams, and makes no excuses about it ! Meet Miss. Lanita Joseph! 

Lanita is bringing her movie premiere to her hometown of Altanta GA. If you would like to see the movie and be apart of the star studded event check out the below information. Lanita, I wish you much good luck and may you have continued success!

Genderblind is the story of a young Christian black woman,Sincere, who decided to put herself in compromising situations in order to further her artistic endeavors. Along the way she meets a lesbian woman, Grace, who challenges her traditional beliefs about love.

New filmmaker Lanita Joesph at her Chicago Premiere

ATLANTA NATIVE, LANITA JOSEPH, HAS WRITTEN, DIRECTED AND PRODUCED CHICAGO'S FIRST BLACK LESBIAN FEATURE FILM SHOT IN HD! WELCOME ATLANTA'S OWN! GENDERBLIND SEPTEMBER 4TH 2010, AT THE HISTORIC PLAZA THEATER! THERE WILL BE CELEBRITY GUEST APPEARANCES, LIVE PERFORMANCES, HIGH FASHION AND MUCH MORE!! THIS IS HOW CHICAGO LOOKED, ATLANTA, HOW WILL YOU LOOK ON THE RED CARPET

 Shot in high definition and running just over two hours, Genderblind's story centers around Sincere, a young African-American dancer played by Robyn Daniels. She struggles to sustain her career, her dignity and Christian religious convictions—all challenged by economic hardship. She also wrestles with her beliefs and sexual identity when she is attracted to Grace ( played by Danielle Jones ) and dives into a lesbian affair with the casual player. Paula Gee adds a comic dimension with her portrayal of a Christian healer and scam artist to whom Sincere turns for help. Text by Micki Leventhal and photos by Con Buckley; more photos online at http://www.windycitymediagroup.com/

Lanita on talk show in Chicago talking about her new movie Genderblind.

CATCH THE TRAILER HERE!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=950612068680&ref=share

GENDERBLIND COMES TO ATLANTA SEPTEMBER 4TH 2010,


AT THE HISTORIC PLAZA THEATER 1049 PONCE DE LEON Ave NE ATLANTA
DOORS OPEN AT 7:00PM, RED CARPET EVENT AT 7:30PM, MOVIE AND TALK BACK AT 8:30PM
THERE WILL BE CELEBRITY GUEST APPEARANCES, LIVE PERFORMANCES, HIGH FASHION AND MUCH MORE!!
 When


Saturday, September 04, 2010 from 7:00 PM - 11:30 PM (PM)

Shacking is Not Marriage…and I Am Not Divorced by:Talibah Mbonisi

Founder of WeParent.com: Talibah Mbonisi

As I do all this research in my effort to become the uber-co-parent, I continue to be struck by how much content and how many resources there seem to be for divorced co-parents. I find that the guidance is usually very relevant to my situation, but still I feel like something is missing…it’s not speaking to me fully.

My son’s father and I were never married. Frankly, outside of the Creator’s requirement that this brilliant child of ours be born, we had no damn business laying down to make a baby. Destiny demanded it, but we didn’t know each other well enough and didn’t have anything resembling a commitment. Ha! Or so we thought. Three months into our dating relationship and three days after I realized “it” really wasn’t coming, we found ourselves committed for life…but not to each other! Ends up that our only true commitment was to this busy little, back-talking, hip hop dancing (at least his own flavor of it), personality-for-days phenom of a son.

We did give it a go, shacking for a couple of years, but the fact is, we were never married. When we split up, there wasn’t a court system demanding that we take a four-hour co-parenting class or requiring us to file any official record of how we were going to work together in this parenting game. We didn’t transition to an acceptable “ex-wife/ex-husband” title. All anybody had to offer us was “Baby Mama” and “Baby Daddy”. And, thanks to Fantasia’s anthem (which I still secretly bump when I need a little Mommy motivation) and Fox News, we now have to give that up in the interest of being politically conscious, self-respecting educated Black folk. And, don’t get me started on the soccer games.

It blows my mind how with all the dysfunction that Soledad and CNN shared about our single-female-head-of-household families every dang parent at our son’s soccer games is married! They always assume that because we actually act like we like each other (and, we do most of the time) and appear to be working together well (and, we do sometimes), we must be married. When I explain that we’re not married…and no, he’s not my ex-husband, the contorted look of confusion uncomfortably staring back at me cracks me up. (I think he hates that I do that as much as he hates the idea of me putting our business in this blog.)

My point is not that we unwed parents are discriminated against, although that claim might stir up a little controversial back-and-forth on this tame little site of mine. I’m just saying that our situation is a little different than one in which a couple has been married. Not better, not worse. And, I guess I’m also saying that sometimes I find myself looking for that voice that gets me/us completely, that addresses those subtle but unique aspects of co-parenting between Mamas and Daddies who may have only come as far as shacking…or just having the little one, to keep it real. Sometimes, the romantic relationship, if it was even that to begin with, only gets that far. But, some of us still take this parenting with some degree of togetherness seriously.

I’m crying out for my special “ex-something” title that doesn’t make Black people shift secretly into Cosbyism and confuse even Black soccer moms. I want somebody, yes, even if it has to be the court system, to deem it important that I go to a workshop, or website or something that at least offers up adefinition of co-parenting. I want my son’s great-aunts to stop telling him that we were married in an effort to cover up the sordid scandal that is our truth.

Now, I don’t necessarily know why I want any of this…perhaps that’s another post, and perhaps I’m just tripping. But, just in case, if anybody knows where I can find an organization for single-co-pareting-never-married-professional-telecommuting-New-Age Mommy bloggers, sign me up!
Seriously, though, am I the only one feeling like this?

You can always check out more stories and great artlices at WeParent.com.

I would love to know what your thoughts are about this? You can leave me a comment or send me an e-mail at theessenceofone@gmail.com

So What if I’m not a Celebrity Single Mom by:Alexandra Vanegas

 

I was really feeling this article and of course I wanted to share this! If you like this story can you always read more stories and great articles on http://www.weparent.com/

 

I have to admit, I’m a bit obsessed with celebrity gossip. I browse through gossip magazines while I’m waiting in line at the grocery store, and I follow some gossip sites online. One of the things I’ve noticed is the trend of glamorizing celebrity single moms. I find this mind blowing, because regular single moms like myself don’t get the same treatment day to day.

From Sandra Bullock to Kate Gosselin to Halle Berry, there is tremendous support from society backing these celebrity single moms as they make their way through single mommyhood. They are splattered on the covers of InTouch and UsWeekly, sharing their heartaches, their struggles with trying to live a normal life. We see them on Oprah talking about their journey, and we get sucked in. We buy their magazines, we go see their movies, we subscribe into the glamorization. Why can’t this same support be had for non-celebrity single moms? Are we not good enough?

I’m a single mom, a younger-single-minority mom to be exact. Society sends the message that young-single-minority moms won’t be successful. They won’t attend college. They won’t secure a steady job. They won’t make enough money, so they will have to depend on the system. They are immature, irresponsible, and should have waited to have a child. These messages are constantly relayed through movies, magazines, books, and TV.

You always hear about the plight of a single mom, the hardships she’s been through as she struggles to find stability. I’m not ignoring this fact, but where are the stories that speak of single moms graduating college or buying their first home? Where are the stories highlighting single moms starting their own businesses or volunteering within their communities? Does society not think that these stories will attract enough attention? Are these stories just not interesting enough?

I’m not ashamed that I’m a single mom, and don’t know why I get the sideways looks when I tell people I am. Maybe it’s because I don’t fit the mold of what a non-celebrity single mom looks like. I am enrolled in college, I have a car (old but running most of the time), I have a steady job, and my own apartment. I struggle with being a single mom, but I want no one’s pity or sympathy.

 I don’t need anyone in my ear telling me I’m doing a good job, but I would like to see my demographic positively acknowledged within society. The messages I come across don’t support me along my journey. In order to obtain resources I have to be a poor single mom. What’s up with that?

We support these celebrity single moms and tell them they can do it, no problem! Why is the message we send to non-celebrity moms so dissimilar? Why do we tell them they will fail? Why can’t the message be the same regardless of celebrity status?
All mothers-single, young, old, married, or widowed-should be respected and supported in our society. The amount of support we give Mothers should not be dependent on how much money they earn.

My life is by no means glamorous, nor does it need to be. What is most important is the love I have for my daughter. What I would appreciate is if society would respect and appreciate me as a Mother.

Alexandra is twenty four, and mother to 4 year old Solana. She created her blog, Mommy Glow to give voice to an unspoken demographic: younger, minority, and single parents.


Read more articles by Alexandra Vanegas at http://www.weparent.com/

End Of Days: Study Shows Little Girls Are Reaching Puberty As Early As 7-Years-Old

I have a 10 year old daugther and once I read this article it scared me so bad! For all my gossip heads I found this article on http://www.bossip.com/.

The changes in Kiera’s body scared her parents. Though the 8-year-old seemed her usual chipper self, she’d started to develop headaches and acne. More alarming to her mom, Sharon, were the budding breasts on Kiera’s thin little chest. “I thought, she’s too young,” remembers the Pittsburgh mom. “She’s still fearful about sleeping by herself. An 8-year-old just isn’t mature enough to handle this.” For Kiera, whose last name is being withheld to protect her privacy, it was all so embarrassing. None of her friends seemed to be experiencing what she was.

When they asked about the acne and her expanding chest, Kiera was evasive. “I didn’t want to tell them what was going on,” says the Pittsburgh girl, now age 9. “So I had to kind of lie to them.” When Kiera’s parents took their daughter to the doctor, he assured them that nothing was wrong with the girl. Kiera was simply starting puberty early. As it turns out, puberty at age 7 or 8 isn’t so unusual these days. A new study, published Monday in the journal Pediatrics, shows that more American girls are maturing earlier and earlier. Typically, U.S. girls hit puberty around age 10 or 11.

Exactly what this shift means for girls isn’t clear yet — either on a group or individual level. But there are budding concerns. For instance, studies have linked an early start to menstruation with an elevated risk of breast cancer. And other research has shown that girls who go through puberty early tend to have lower self-esteem and a poor body image. They are also more likely to engage in risky behaviors which can result in unplanned pregnancies, experts say.

The study revealed a surprisingly large bump in the number of girls going through puberty between the ages of 7 and 8. For example, the researches found that 10 percent of 7-year-old white girls had some breast development as compared to 5 percent in a study published in 1997. Similarly, 23 percent of the 7-year-old black girls had started puberty as compared to 15 percent in the 1997 study.

Nobody’s sure what is driving the declining age of puberty. But the rise in obesity could be at least partly to blame, says the study’s lead author, Dr. Frank Biro, director of adolescent medicine at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. Back in the 1700s, girls didn’t start to menstruate till they were 17 or 18, Garibaldi says. That had a lot to do with malnutrition. The assumption is that the steady decline in age since then has to do with more abundant food.

There may be other environmental factors at work, too, says Dr. Stanley Korenman, an endocrinologist at the University of California, Los Angeles. For example, Korenman says, environmental exposure to estrogens in plastics, chemicals and foods has been going up. “And estrogens do stimulate breast development,” he adds.
Until we know what the cause is, the best way to slow puberty may be to “start living green,” says Biro. “It may help for families eat together and to consume well-balanced diets.

Regular physical activity may help, too.” Another finding from the study may back that concept up. The rate of early puberty was much lower in the San Francisco group: 7 percent among white 7-year-olds from northern California versus 14 percent among Ohioans of the same age. Among black 7-year olds, 27 percent of Californians hit puberty early as compared to 31 percent of the New Yorkers.

Do you know yourself worth? by: Miss Tee

We all have stories and sometimes your stories can help someone else learn from your similar life experiences. If you have ever gone through issues in your life and you haven’t learned from them then that maybe a problem. I know because that was my problem. 


Do you remember when you finally realized that your child’s father or mother wasn’t the one you wanted in your life? Do you remember the physical fights, the screaming matches and all the foolishness that came with that relationship? Do you remember when you finally got the courage to move forward for your own sanity, and your children’s? I’m sure your family members and friends tried to tell you over and over again to leave him or her? Of course, for some men and women getting out of such a toxic relationship isn’t that easy. At this time in your life you may still be in that relationship and you’re trying to figure out just how to do it? I can only tell you how I did it. I believed in myself and I knew it was time! There isn’t one person who can tell you when, where or how to get out, that’s all up to you! 

It has been almost 3 years since I’ve been out of that toxic relationship and I haven’t looked back since! I had to struggle with my sanity, my kids and finances! My head started getting so much clearer and I could finally see past many of these dark days I had to deal with in the past. My kids seem so much happier and they also saw me happy! Sometimes I would look back on that relationship and I started wondering, why did I let that go on for so long? Why didn’t he love me the way I needed to be loved? Why did he allow me to be the bread winner for our family? Why did I allow him to always put me down and make me feel stupid etc…. Those “why’s questions” are no joke but you have to STOP thinking about “why”! You have to see your past just like it was “YOUR PAST” you must use this as a learning tool.


The most important thing you must do is “keep moving“, but before you can keep moving you have to breathe! Today and every day after that should be about you and your needs! The problem that most people have after a bad break up is we tend to jump right back into another bad relationship. We don’t give ourselves time to get our minds right, and to know “who we are as a person” and what is your self worth? 

Once I felt I had moved on and got my mind, kids and my finances in order, I found myself really looking for someone. It became some type of a mission for me! I wanted a man that was so totally different from my Ex. I became so focus on just that! I would make a list of what type of man I wanted. This was my first mistake! Due to me not experiencing what a real relationship was like; I would tend to hold on to what I didn’t receive in that last relationship, and made high expectations for the next one.

My approach to the next relationship was so different but my expectation was still high! I started becoming very picky. I knew specifically what type of man I wanted. This was my second mistake! Looking back on it now, when did I take the time for myself? I did not. I just moved on wanting something so different then what I felt I never had! Being lonely can be a bitch at times and for a person like myself “I hated it”!  I always felt alone even while being in that relationship, so sad but so true! Being alone can sometimes scare you. You’re then force to have to take a look inside of yourself and see who you really are! This is real talk right now, and I understand that you might not be ready to go there but for me had no choice!

Here I was making all of these high expectations for any man I met and I didn’t have myself together, and I was expecting so much from the next man! It’s not bad to have high expectations but understand two things about having high expectations ; you should clean your home out first before you can even expect to set any expectations for somebody else, and they should obtainable expectations on both parts! No man, no money and no new job etc… can bring you happiness if you’re not happy within yourself!

As a single parent my kids watched me go through all of these life changes.  Being a parent of a boy and a girl can be a challenge with in itself! To me it is extremely important that my son knows how important it is to be a good man and know his self worth. It’s equally important that my daughter, who watches’ me like a Hawk, also learns that having someone in her life is an added bonus. I know that many of you will agree with me that these days and times our kids are being raised far different than when we were growing up? I’d rather be the one to teach my children about life than allow the world to!  

I’m not ashamed to be honest in whom I am as a woman and to share my struggles and fears. As I wrote in the beginning, your past must be your learning tool! I’ve finally come to a point in my life where everything seems so much clearer and I’m now more focus then ever! I am a role model to my children and how I live my life now set the tone on how my kids will be as teenager and adults. Of course they will make their own way in life and many mistakes, but the most important thing I want my kids to understand is who they are and what is their self worth. Their mother has finally found her own self-worth!

Fatherhood Freestyle: The Weekenders

Matt Prestbury, co-founder of the Black Fathers group on Facebook and founder of the blog Focused on Fatherhood, uses poetry to express a father’s frustration…and commitment.

 

how you gonna let a man that don’t know me from Adam
tell me when I can see my children

 

then you tell me that I can’t come to your building
and knock on the door for you to let them in 

matter fact you tell me meet you at the gas station
be there at 6:30 and don’t have you waiting
if I take too long you’ll be getting impatient

and be downtown the next day telling them I’m violating
think about what you’re doing to them

when you open your door for a parade of men
one is barely out of your life before the next one comes in

and you got the nerve to tell my babies that I’m triflin
telling them that I don’t know how to treat women

and they shouldn’t be around me because I’ll corrupt them
It’s really time for the healing to begin

and cut all the hateful talk based on the pain that you’ve been feeling
if you choose to keep on acting this way

there gonna wake up and resent you one day
and understand that their father NEVER walked away

but was forced out despite his attempts to stay
and forced to respect a strangers orders

someone I never met telling me when I can see my daughters
and money doesn’t raise them It can only help support the
things that they need but I’m determined to be more than just a donor
so I send the payment as I must

and shake my head in disgust
and resent the fact that you didn’t trust
that we could work this out between us

reports cards came out and I was truly amazed
when the girls called and said that they got all A’s
and I really wanted to take them to out to Friday’s

but I couldn’t because it wasn’t one of my days
I told them, “When the weekend comes, I’ll take you to your favorite spot
I’m very proud of you two and I love you a lot

don’t ever let anyone tell you that I am not
doing the best I can with what I’ve got
although we can only spend time together on certain days

I am you father and I’m here for you always
keep striving for excellence in all ways
and I’ll keep on coming to your games, and recitals, and plays

so I’ll just keep sitting here waiting
to give the third degree to the guys that you’re dating
and keep on mailing a check although it’s frustrating

and keep on dreading Sunday evenings because it’s heart breaking”
’til we meet again

How to End a Bad Friendship: by Cadence

Sometimes it is necessary to end a bad friendship. While many of us would like to keep the peace in friendships and maintain them to the best of our abilities, it is best to end a bad friendship when necessary. If a friendship is causing you pain and creates a lot of unnecessary stress in your life, it may be in your best interest to walk away before any further harm is done.


Step 1
Identify a bad friendship. A bad friendship is not a relationship where you and a friend have an occasional argument, but are close most of the time. A bad friendship is one where your friend intentionally tries to hurt you or does unforgivable things to you. For example, a person who sleeps with your ex-boyfriend and then brags about it to your friends at your own home without telling you is a toxic friend, and you should break away from that friendship immediately.


Step 2
Create a plan of action for slowly removing yourself from the situation with a bad friend. Call the friend less. Share less personal details when you talk to the person. Be kind, but do not put yourself into a situation where the person can hurt you. Create distance from the person, but not hostility.


Step 3
If you trust them 100%, let a few close, mutual friends know that you are planning to limit your friendship with your toxic friend. This way, they will know not to invite you out if they are hanging out with this person. It may be tough at first to have a more limited social life, but this is a great opportunity to reconnect with other friends, and break away from hanging out with the person involved in the bad friendship.


Step 4
Maintain relationships with the friends that you and your bad friend shared. Just because you are not friends with one person does not mean that you have to break away from your other friends.


Step 5
Don't be quick to end the relationship in online formats. For example, deleting your bad friend from your Facebook and Myspace profiles right away looks obvious and petty. If you can handle it, leave your former friend on those pages as a friend to avoid petty drama. You can always delete the person later when you haven't spoken in a few months and it will be less hurtful for this person. (Remember, just because they hurt you does not mean that you should hurt them in return.)


Step 6
Although it's tough, try not to worry about retaliation when the person realizes that you are ending the bad friendship. This person may be upset and talk about you, but your real friends will understand the situation and will not judge you based on what this person says. And, any information that they have to talk about you will be old and outdated, so it won't matter much anyway.


Step 7
If you see this person in social situations, be kind. Ending a bad friendship does not mean that the other person has to become an enemy. You can simply be acquaintances. That is why it is important not to alienate this person. Smile kindly and make small talk, then walk away and talk to someone else.


Step 8 
If the person really does change in the future and becomes less toxic towards you, leave yourself open to reopening the friendship, if you want to. However, if you are going to do this, do not forget the past. Keep your guard up until you are absolutely sure that this person can be trusted.

Why is your life kept in a box?

It's very rare when you meet someone that is really living their dreams and I did just that! 

Diane is not only living her dream, but she is also helping people to understand how important it is to save all your life pictures into memory albums!

Diane Roney CEO of Transcribe-IT, INC.

Miss Tee: Hello Diane and thank you for sharing with The Essence of One readers your story! Tell us a little about yourself?

Diane: My name is Diane Roney.  I was born in Cambridge, MA. I am the oldest of four girls.  I am the wife of Phillip Roney and we have a daughter Kendall.  I have an Associate’s Degree in Executive Secretarial Science and a Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism / Mass Communications.  I spent one year in law school and knew that wasn’t for me.

I am the President / CEO of Transcribe-It, Inc. a transcription service that specializes in legal transcription.  We do, however, handle all forms of audio transcription.  I spent a few years in television as a Publicist for CBS in Boston, worked for several major law firms and then started my own virtual assistance practice before changing the practice strictly to Transcription.  Presently, as well, I am a Creative Memories Consultant and photo organizer.

Miss Tee: How did you get started with scrapbooking?

Diane: I actually began scrapbooking as a child but never really knew that’s what I was doing until a few years ago when I was invited to host a scrapbooking party.  As first I thought this was too much and how in the world would I ever find time to do this.  But after attending a few parties and a friend of mine encouraged me to become a consultant.  I did for about two years and then I deactivated because I felt no one was really listening or interested in scrapbooking.  But a few years ago I came back because I feel the passion for telling the story.  I am so grateful that I did.

I enjoy creating memory albums for my family because I’m telling my / our family story to the next generation.  My family, especially dad was always taking photos and out of the four girls I’m the only one who is the paparazzi.  My family laughs at me because I always have that camera going.

Miss Tee: Now that you have started your own scrapbooking business Creative Memories, can you tell us how you started this business? Could you also tell us what Creative Memories. consist of?

Diane: I am a Creative Memories Consultant which is a company that is the leader in the scrapbooking industry.  As  a consultant I host get togethers, crops, events, retreats.  I teach people how to organize their photos and create memory albums for their families.  I began with Creative Memories by ordering the kit and went from there contacting all my friends and family members to host parties for me.  At present, I teach photo organization at local libraries, sponsoring a scrapbooking cruise, developing new contacts to teach people to tell their story.

Why don't you Celebrate your family's life with a "Life Board"?

Miss Tee: Now you have scrapbooking classes can you tell us a little about your classes what they also consist of?

Diane: Classes consist of photo organizing actually sitting down for about three hours and getting all your photographs organized.  Then we move on to showing you how to create memory albums.  The latest is now digitally scrapbooking and I’m digitally endorsed as a digital scrapbook instructor.  I still have people who are traditional scrapbookers, but with the advent of computers, we now generate Storybooks using our latest Memory Manager and StoryBook software.  I can host events at my workshop or at other peoples home or one on one consultations.

Miss Tee: I’m sure your family and friends thought you were crazy for starting a scrapbooking business. Can you tell us how you moved forward in following your dreams, and when you may have been faced with some negative people, how did you handle it?

Diane: Well I never got any negative feedback from my family.  It actually came from people who I would introduce scrapbooking to and I would hear all kinds of negative responses like “I don’t have the time for that”, “how can you sit there all day and do that”,  “That’s a white woman’s hobby” I mean craziness.  Since when is taking photos and capturing memories a color thing.  I used to get so angry, but it’s not about me…it’s about people.  And those who are ready will be ready and those who aren’t well they just aren’t.  I move from the negative and focus on those who really want to preserve their legacy.  When my daughter’s friends come over to my workshop and see me working and they see the books I have for my daughter so she can remember her grade school through high school years and all her performances and activities, the response I get is I wish my mother would do that for me.

It hurts me because the kids are crying out for their own books.  That’s why I’m going to be putting together a teen crop and teaching teens how to create their own Storybooks because they are very computer literate  and would be good at it.  I’m also focusing on Faithbooking which is a scrapbook of what God has done in your life.  So I’ll be connecting with churches to see if the women or men of the church would like to focus on the good God has done for them.  I’ve also just started creating Celebration Life boards for funeral homes.  I have been to many a funeral where people just throw up a board of photos, I have created a Celebration Life Board that is unlike anything you’ve seen and people really like them.

You can always learn more about a Life Boards at www.mycmsite.com/dianeroney1

Miss Tee: Diane, could you please tell The Essence of One readers that have hobbies or something they may be very good in doing, and may be interested in turning this into a business; what would be their next step in moving forward to make this happen?

Diane: Be passionate about what  you are doing and just do it.  Be open to sharing and not worry about whether it makes money for you because there’s a book I read “Do what you love and the money will follow” and it’s so true.  Take the emphasis off the money and focus on your clients.  It’s not about you.  Attend trade shows, church events do anything  you can to get your business out in front of people.  But just remember you have to love what you’re doing or no one else is going to like it either.

Miss Tee: How can the The Essence of One readers that may be interested in your scrapbooking classes or other services your company provides get in contact with you? 

Diane: They can visit my website at www.mycmsite.com/dianeroney1 or www.personal-photo-organizer.com/dianeroney  or call me at (404) 353-1638.  I’m always looking for people to host events with several of their friends or one-on-one consultations and join me at some of my workshops.  I have a workshop schedule if anyone is interested, I’ll be at the South Fulton Library in September for a photo organization class and sponsoring a digital scrapbooking cruise in March.

Diane, thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me and sharing with The Essence of One family, how you made one of your dreams come true!

On July 28, 2010 my life had changed once again!

Shopping and Networking

I was sitting at work and Diane, my co-worker came up to me and said "I’m going to this financial seminar that is free, would you like to go"? The first thought that came to my mind was, how did she know I was just sitting there worrying about my own finances?  I looked at her like she was crazy! Diane just looked at me and said, "It looks like your thinking about coming with me". I knew this was a sign that it was now time for me to face one of my biggest fears which is facing my finances! I know we all have money issues but how many of us really face our financial fears head on?

I wanted to back out and say "NO I don’t want to go“! I couldn’t do it because I knew this was a sign that I needed to go! Something inside kept telling me this was all happening for a reason! So, I went reluctantly. The upside of going to this event is it was being held in a boutique! I got a little excited the whole time I was there I kept thinking  “Damn I wanted that summer dress the host of the event had on“, and the host said the dress only cost $57! Damn, I wanted that dress! I was getting so mad because I didn’t have 10 dollars in my pocket, this is “REAL TALK” right now!

The seminar was being held at House of Adrene in the Castleberry Hill fashion district in Atlanta. The boutique was filled with all the latest up to date fashions and the newest trends out there! At this event there was about 40 women and men in attendance. Of course everybody was fashionable dressed!

The House of Adrene owner Adrene

The star of the show had not arrived which gave Diane and me time to begin networking. There were also wine and juices being served and of course that help me with getting more talkative. I was meeting so many interesting people, and it seem liked they were all very interested in hearing about my blog. The only sad part was I didn’t have any business cards. I wasn’t going to let that stop me! Many of the women there seemed very interested in wanting to no more about my blog. Some of the ladies wanted me to write down the blog site on their own business cards! 


Before the “STAR” had arrived the host of the event ,still wearing my $57.00 dress, she introduces the owner of the boutique Adrene. After the host introduce Adrene; Adrene gave us a brief background of her life and what lend her to fashion world. Adrene is a fashion stylist for Kelly Rowland, Taraji P. Henson, Vivica Fox and countless others. It was really good to see this beautiful, down to earth black woman living her dreams! I started to feel empowered and knew everybody around Diane and I was also feeling the same way!

The event was suppose to start at 6:30 but you “N Time” and the event started at 7:15pm. When the star finally arrived she was a small petite lady, I thought to myself what is this little lady going to say? That’s when I found out that BIG gifts can sometimes come in small packages! The host that was wearing my $57.00 summer dress introduce  Mrs. Lynn Richardson, and from the second Mrs. Richardson opened her mouth, the way I look at my money and its use was changed forever!

Mrs. Lynn Richardson talking to the ladies!

Its funny how one person can transform your life and you don’t even know them! I felt that I learned so much from that one night, that I haven’t learned thus far! I’m only going to write about a few things that I feel will really caught my attention. The topics that were of supreme interest to me were:

NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE!
10/10/30/50 (Will Change your life forever)!
You cannot abuse money because it will always leave you!
We spend money and the rich people get it back!
Your children can be your income!    
Stop worrying about what people think of you “Are they paying your bills’?
Mrs. Lynn Richardson has a book out now called Living Check to Monday! CHECK IT OUT at www.lynnrichardson.com

 






Change cannot happen unless you are ready for it to happen! If your not ready I can also understand that, but how long will you allow your self not to be?

I’M NOW READY!

Thank you so much Diane and I'm very excited about going to our next event!
 
To all my new readers welcome and thank you for all of your supporting e-mails! 

All of you're stories or maybe an article you recently read  are also welcome. 

The Essence of one Facebook page will be done soon!

Much Love Miss Tee


Thanks also to KL!